I copy my posts from word after writing them and did not copy the right one so sorry about that and it won't let me delete it ^^^^^^^ but the comment meant for your profile is this one. Hey Austin! I liked reading this story from your portfolio because I had not read Buck’s version of the Mahabharata yet. With your use of detail, I could easily picture Mankanaka’s actions. The beginning of your story creatively sets up what your about to talk about and gets the reader thinking beforehand of the central aspect – grass. I think this is a good format for storytelling, especially in a portfolio. I am sure that the story of Mankanaka was longer and more drawn out in the book, so I think you did a good job of keeping the key components present. In your author’s note you mentioned that you wanted to make a theme around food since this is a common topic in the Indian epics and I like this idea a lot! I did not think about this before but now I can definitely see where this is true. Also, your idea of adding traditional recipes to your stories stemming from the Indian culture would be really awesome because I don’t think that type of food is commonly eaten, so it is harder for people to want to go out and try for the first time. Adding pictures of these foods would be really helpful as well – people do tend to eat with their eyes ;) Great job on this story, and I did not have any critiques to help improve it because I think you managed to do a phenomenal job already.
Hi Austin! First, I’ll talk about “Jatayu.” I think it’s really great how you expanded on the story of Jatayu’s last moments. The original stories didn’t really cover his funeral that well. I like the details you added, especially his final words. For the most part I think it’s really good, but there are a few things you might want to look at again. Towards the end of the first paragraph you say “Rama” when I think you meant Ravana. In the second paragraph, when Rama and Lakshmana are building the pyre, “the remainder of the day to finish it” was a bit confusing. What were they doing that they needed to finish? Maybe add the word “building” between “finish” and “it.” Now, I’ll move on to “The Story of Mankanaka.” I really enjoy this story and the way you tell it. The details you gave about his obsession with grass are great! It’s kind of funny how he went to the forest to pursue spirituality, but became so entranced by his love for grass, a food that was supposed to be bland and undesirable, that he almost ended the world. I also like the idea that you brought up in the author’s note about sharing recipes with the reader. You are so right about food’s important role in culture! I didn’t find any errors except one minor one in your author’s note: I think you meant “tale” but you accidentally hit the k instead of the l (first line). I like your style of writing! It would be great to read more!
Austin, as I’ve said before, you are incredibly skilled as a writer. I actually appreciate and enjoy reading your stories.
In the beginning of your story The Story of Mankanaka, I really appreciated this line: “there once was a man who only indulged himself with heaping piles of grass, never straying from the consumption of the sweet savory stalks.” I think I liked it so much because it provided a really good and mystical foundation for the rest of your story. Your writer is descriptive and imaginative, and it was what hooked me to keep reading.
I also think it was a good idea to depict Mankanaka a common man who chose a spiritual life in the forest. It reminds me of my story book a lot, actually. I really liked this story when I read it in the Mahabharata – especially the celebration that Mahabharata had when he oozed the green substance. It was a great idea to have the grass ooze out of Mankanaka because it really does strengthen the connection and relationship between nature and Mankanaka, in my opinion. I also like that you appreciate the importance of food within the Indian epics. Great job, and I can’t wait to read more!
Hey Austin. I would like to thank you for all the comments on my posts over the course of the semester. I relied on positive feedback such as yours to refine my writing of the course of the semester. Good luck with finals!
Hey Austin. Thanks for all the feedback on my writing. Constructive criticism is a crucial part of any creative endeavor, and your comments helped me to stay on track. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Thank you for the thought and time you put into comments on my blog- I really appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the comments you have made on my blog! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI copy my posts from word after writing them and did not copy the right one so sorry about that and it won't let me delete it ^^^^^^^ but the comment meant for your profile is this one.
ReplyDeleteHey Austin! I liked reading this story from your portfolio because I had not read Buck’s version of the Mahabharata yet. With your use of detail, I could easily picture Mankanaka’s actions. The beginning of your story creatively sets up what your about to talk about and gets the reader thinking beforehand of the central aspect – grass. I think this is a good format for storytelling, especially in a portfolio. I am sure that the story of Mankanaka was longer and more drawn out in the book, so I think you did a good job of keeping the key components present. In your author’s note you mentioned that you wanted to make a theme around food since this is a common topic in the Indian epics and I like this idea a lot! I did not think about this before but now I can definitely see where this is true. Also, your idea of adding traditional recipes to your stories stemming from the Indian culture would be really awesome because I don’t think that type of food is commonly eaten, so it is harder for people to want to go out and try for the first time. Adding pictures of these foods would be really helpful as well – people do tend to eat with their eyes ;) Great job on this story, and I did not have any critiques to help improve it because I think you managed to do a phenomenal job already.
Hi Austin! First, I’ll talk about “Jatayu.” I think it’s really great how you expanded on the story of Jatayu’s last moments. The original stories didn’t really cover his funeral that well. I like the details you added, especially his final words. For the most part I think it’s really good, but there are a few things you might want to look at again. Towards the end of the first paragraph you say “Rama” when I think you meant Ravana. In the second paragraph, when Rama and Lakshmana are building the pyre, “the remainder of the day to finish it” was a bit confusing. What were they doing that they needed to finish? Maybe add the word “building” between “finish” and “it.”
ReplyDeleteNow, I’ll move on to “The Story of Mankanaka.” I really enjoy this story and the way you tell it. The details you gave about his obsession with grass are great! It’s kind of funny how he went to the forest to pursue spirituality, but became so entranced by his love for grass, a food that was supposed to be bland and undesirable, that he almost ended the world. I also like the idea that you brought up in the author’s note about sharing recipes with the reader. You are so right about food’s important role in culture! I didn’t find any errors except one minor one in your author’s note: I think you meant “tale” but you accidentally hit the k instead of the l (first line). I like your style of writing! It would be great to read more!
Austin, as I’ve said before, you are incredibly skilled as a writer. I actually appreciate and enjoy reading your stories.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning of your story The Story of Mankanaka, I really appreciated this line: “there once was a man who only indulged himself with heaping piles of grass, never straying from the consumption of the sweet savory stalks.” I think I liked it so much because it provided a really good and mystical foundation for the rest of your story. Your writer is descriptive and imaginative, and it was what hooked me to keep reading.
I also think it was a good idea to depict Mankanaka a common man who chose a spiritual life in the forest. It reminds me of my story book a lot, actually. I really liked this story when I read it in the Mahabharata – especially the celebration that Mahabharata had when he oozed the green substance. It was a great idea to have the grass ooze out of Mankanaka because it really does strengthen the connection and relationship between nature and Mankanaka, in my opinion. I also like that you appreciate the importance of food within the Indian epics. Great job, and I can’t wait to read more!
Hey Austin. I would like to thank you for all the comments on my posts over the course of the semester. I relied on positive feedback such as yours to refine my writing of the course of the semester. Good luck with finals!
ReplyDeleteHey Austin. Thanks for all the feedback on my writing. Constructive criticism is a crucial part of any creative endeavor, and your comments helped me to stay on track. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDelete